Partner dancing is a joy, but we all make dance mistakes. Followers may miss subtle (or not so subtle) cues. Leaders may send mixed messages, or they may forget what the signal is for a certain move. Even couples that have been partner dancing together for years continue to learn to lead and follow each other. In any case, it can be difficult to know what really happened. In a rear-ender collision, the car that plows into the car in front is technically responsible but the car in front may have stopped really suddenly – both are really ‘at fault’.
Some of us are tempted to say “sorry” each time things go slightly off the rails during partner dancing. While we are still in the heavy duty learning mode, we could be saying “sorry” a lot (especially being Canadians)! But should we? Taking responsibility is a good thing in many situations but how does it affect partner dancing? Saying “sorry” often during a partner dance takes a tiny bit away from the dance experience, for both partners. It puts the focus on the mistake. The other person may feel the need to say “It’s OK, it was really me”, prolonging the focus on the mistake. If this happens 5 or 6 times during a dance, it may feel like more time was spent on mistakes than on enjoying the dance!
Then, how should we react when we’ve made a dance mistake, or think we have? Speaking for myself, I know that I would have a really hard time giving “sorry” up all together. What I try to do instead is flash a quick smile at my dance partner, as if to say I made a little mistake, but I am having a great time dancing with you. This seems to work – it satisfies my need to ‘fess up’ but at the same time it doesn’t take our attention away from dancing, which is, after all, what we are there to do.
Written by Ballroom Bella.
A lovelt article, thank you. Just one clarification: isn’t saying a brief “sorry” a simple act of politeness, a sign of being well-mannered? Smile-flashing can be misinterpreted…Tiny mistakes can be glossed over with a smile, granted…but if you accidentally hurt your partner or botch a crucial step or such, facial expressions may not be enough. What do you think?
It depends. Things move so fast on the dance floor a quick apologetic smile or hand gesture often substitutes for the ‘sorry’ that would be expected elsewhere. I think Bella is referring to these more common ‘tiny mistakes’, as you put it. Accidentally hurting your partner – or someone else’s – would definitely require a more obvious apology, followed by asking if they are okay.
For social dancing, yes, the point taken and agreed upon.Yet, in certain more formal settings and with certain cultures, a quick exchange “sorry – it’s OK” will be generally expected regardless…otherwise, the article is marvelous and makes a very clear and interesting point. Thank you, looking forward to more guest articles like this one.