Help! My Partner Can’t Lead (or Follow)

We’ve all been there. You’re out on the social dance floor, trying to move with your partner, and for whatever reason it’s just not clicking. Maybe you’ve got a full compliment of steps you can’t wait to try out, but your follower seems to be completely ignoring you. Or maybe you’ve practiced following every dancer in your group class, but this guy won’t even lead half of them (and you can’t feel the lead for the other half). What’s a dancer to do?

For Leaders

Take it slow. Start simple. Most followers need a few basic patterns to catch your rhythm, and it gives you an idea of their skill level, before you overwhelm them with advanced spins and dips.

Take it easy. Often followers have trouble with a specific lead or step, but can do many others just fine. Don’t take it as a personal challenge to ‘make’ them do it, let it go and enjoy the rest of your steps.

Take it confidently. Many inexperienced followers tend to back-lead, i.e. anticipate what the leader is doing and move ahead of them. I personally enjoy making a light joke about it:

If that’s not your style, you can certainly ask them politely to slow down a bit. Again try a variety of steps, as it may happen more in some patterns than others. If they are virtually ignoring you, match their rhythm as best as you can, and grab a reliable favourite on the next dance.

For Followers

Remember to wait. Trying to dance to your interpretation of the timing can cause you to move into a step before he leads it - and therefore feel no lead. An instructor and friend of mine put it best: the leader dances to the music, the follower dances to the leader. A big part of the fun is learning to move with your partner’s internal rhythm, whatever it may be.

Remember to accept the steps he offers. He’s not avoiding your favourite steps to piss you off - he just might not know or remember them at that moment. As you gain experience social dancing, you’ll discover which partners know the fun patterns (for you) and which don’t. If this happens to be the latter, don’t ‘force’ your favourite ones. Acknowledge that dancing with this leader is still better than dancing alone (hopefully), and get what enjoyment you can from the dance.

Dos and Don’ts

In general, avoid giving feedback. This isn’t a dance lesson, and most dancers are not looking to be critiqued. Hold your tongue unless someone asks for it, or is doing something that might actually cause injury.

A smile can go a long way. Some of my favourite dances had nothing to do with my partner’s skill level - it’s because she was so obviously happy to be dancing, I couldn’t help but be happy too. Even if you’re having a hard go at it, try and smile and make eye contact from time to time.

You now have a few new tools to raise your likelihood of having enjoyable dances with anyone. And if you have a specific issue with a partner that you don’t feel has been resolved by this article, please post it in the comments below, and I’ll be sure to get back to you. Happy dancing!