Newcomers have it tough. When they first step into the social dancing world, they are doing it with few to no connections, zero experience in social dance etiquette, and relatively little technique to work with. It's enough to keep a beginner from social dancing at all.
If only there was a guide to helping social dancing first and second-timers make a great first impression, so they can start making friends and potential dance partners from day one... Oh wait, now there is! (See what I did there?)
I've always believed that if you know what to expect, you can go into even new situations with greater confidence. Consider this then, your confidence-boosting, dance-partner-acquiring, popularity-increasing guide to success!
Transcript:
Hi guys! My name is Ian Crewe. I'm an instructor at the Joy of Dance Centre in Toronto, Ontario, and the creator of Social Ballroom Dance: Where you can learn your dance, at your place, on your schedule.
So, who would like more dance partners at the next social? Unless you're the visiting pro, you probably answered yes to that question. That's what we're going to be covering for this month's theme.
We're gonna be talking about how to boost your social dancing popularity, and today we're starting with newcomers, because you know what? It's harder for newcomers to start to make new friends and start finding new dance partners.
Because people don't know you as well. They don't know if they can trust you, if you're a nice person or if you're a little bit off or strange or creepy, they don't know yet. So you're not as likely to get dances initially.
So, how does a newcomer dancer get around this? How do they start to meet new people, and to find more and more dance partners over time. So let's look at some ways in which we can do that.
Let's start by talking about how we convey ourselves in general: You want to convey the impression that you actually want to be here, so smile! Start a conversation, be open in your body language.
You know, a lot of new dancers convey - without meaning to - that they don't want to be here. Their nervousness about whether or not they are going to be asked to dance, ends up getting translated into a kind of standoffishness.
I remember a student of mine in particular, who was not only nervous about people asking her to dance, but actually would assume that people weren't going to ask her to dance. She assumed that she was going to just wait all night and have nothing to show for it.
So, she ended up making it a self-fulfilling prophecy. She would go to the corner of the room, she would cross her arms and cross her legs, and basically pout in the direction of the floor, so guess what? Even the instructors felt shy about asking her to dance, because they felt like she was saying, "hey, I don't want any dances."
And then she came and complained to me afterwards saying: "this was a waste of time. Nobody nobody wanted to dance with me." And I said: "well, how were you conveying yourself? I heard from different people that you didn't really seem like you wanted to dance with anybody." And from there we could start to work on how she appeared to other people and it progressed from there.
So make sure you pay a little attention to how you look to other people, because if people see you as somebody who is going to be a fun dance partner, they're a lot more likely to take a chance on you, stranger or no.
Make sure you do a bit of research on what you wear when you go to these places. I've covered a little bit about dance wear and what we wear to different venues and so on over the previous month, so if you want to look at the theme on dance wear, go check out those previous videos. I'll include a link below:
But in general, what you want to convey here is 1) I'm being conscientious of my partner - so you're not bringing sharp jewelry or anything that might hurt the people around you, 2) I am one of you - you're wearing clothes that are at least somewhat in keeping of what other people are wearing.
So for example, maybe if this is a ballroom dance floor, you are dressed a little more formally. So you might be dressed how I am right now, which is a dress shirt that's a little bit open, I've got dress pants on black socks - you know, simple but elegant.
If this was a West Coast Swing social you might be dressed a little bit more casually, but again you can check out our videos from the past year to learn more about that.
Now say you're trying to figure out what dance social you want to go to first, and let's say for the sake of argument that you're spoiled for choice: There are tons of different dance studios around you, and they all have their own social. There's also a number of Latin nightclubs and ballroom dance halls around the city, that all have their socials at different times and so on.
Great! Fantastic! Probably not very common, but where would you start under those circumstances? Well first of all, if you are part of a ballroom dance studio; meaning you're already taking group classes or private lessons at that studio, go to that studio social!
Because that's where you're going to meet the most people who have already met you before. You know, they could be students in your group class, students who learned alongside you in a private lesson, friends who started dancing at the same time as you, other instructors who have taught you, and therefore would like to see how you've progressed out of social with a dance or two. So, you're a lot more likely to to "fill up your dance card" so to speak, with dances.
Now if you are NOT affiliated with a dance studio, going to a dance studio social is actually not a very good idea. I mean, some studios foster a more inclusive atmosphere, but most of the time when you go, you're gonna find that they tend to be a little bit cliquey.
And there's nothing against that - I'm not bashing other studio socials. But the reality is that, you're getting more students who are maybe not as comfortable dancing with people that they don't know yet. They haven't left that comfort zone of the studio social: They know people in their group classes, they know the instructors who teach them, and the instructors might feel obligated to only dance with their students because, they don't want to to lose them, and won't lose that business.
So you're likely to find yourself not getting as many dances as you would if you went somewhere else. So for those people who aren't affiliated with a studio, I recommend checking out a social that's not affiliated with a studio. Go to a Latin nightclub, a dance hall, a church floor that's been rented out - anything like that.
Because that's where you're going to meet the people who are a little bit more comfortable socially. Not necessarily comfortable dancing: Don't go there expecting that "oh, they're all going to be pro dancers that I'm going to be completely intimidated." You will find some good dancers there, but it's a good range of people.
The point is that there are going to be more people who are comfortable taking a chance on somebody they don't know, AKA you!
Most of these socials begin with a introductory lesson to get you started -sort of a dance icebreaker if you will. Go to these these dance lessons, because it's a chance for you to start meeting different people, usually more in the beginner level - so probably more comfortable dancers for you and less intimidating.
It gives you a chance to start getting to know some of these people and showing them that, "hey, I'm not a creep. I'm not somebody who's going to ignore you. I'm a nice person who has at least a few dance moves, and you're gonna enjoy dancing with me."
And then when the general dancing begins, they will remember that, "oh yeah, there was this guy that I danced with, or this girl that I danced with who was a pretty fun person." And so it gives you a chance to make a good first impression, before you have to start competing with all the other more experienced dancers.
Because as the evening progresses, those newcomer dancers are less likely to stick around. You tend to get more of the more experienced dancers who know each other a little better coming in. And over time, you can gradually start to make that transition to connecting with those people as well, but we'll get to that in a second.
Now when the social dancing starts, position yourself near what I like to call the "loading bays". This is just where the dancers who have finished a dance will come off the floor and congregate, so that they can find a new dance partner and get back on the floor for the next song.
Position yourself, not in the middle of that crowd - because as a newcomer it's easy to get lost in the shuffle - but just off to the side. That way you're still gonna stand out if you're waiting to be asked to dance, but it's also easier to see people who are going past you, so that if you want to ask them to dance, you can maybe get them before somebody else who knows them can ask first.
And by the way, if you're doing the asking make sure that you're keeping it simple but direct. So if somebody walks up to you and says: "Hi! Wanna dance?" This is conveying a lot more confidence and assertiveness. They're saying that "hey, I'm a lot more comfortable with dancing than maybe some other people, you'll have a great time dancing with me, how about it?"
Whereas if somebody is coming up a little bit more uncertain of themselves, they're saying things like: "Well, I saw you from across the floor, and I didn't see you having a partner, so I thought maybe..." Now we're conveying that we're not really sure about ourselves.
It's easy for dancers to extrapolate from that and say "well, they might not be very sure about their dancing as well, so I may not want to dance with that person." It's a sad but true fact about it.
So keep it simple, keep it direct, and as a bonus, if they say no - which if they do, and it will happen, smile, shrug it off - but if they say no you can just quickly ask another person, or two more people before the dance really gets going and everybody gets taken.
And if you're waiting to be asked to dance, position yourself close to the dance floor with as few obstacles between you and it as possible. So that means put your drink aside (or better yet, don't drink at all - that's not really conveying that you're there to dance), put your purse or your satchel somewhere else, make sure it's stowed away somewhere safely, no crossed arms or crossed legs.
We're trying to convey that we are willing to dance, we have open body posture, and we're going to say "yes" if somebody asks us to dance. Which by the way, if somebody does ask you to dance, unless you've got a REALLY good reason to say no, say yes. And the person being a newcomer is not a good reason to say no: go along with it.
Most people who do the asking tend to be men, and men are very nervous about getting rejected, so if we are conveying that we're likely going to say no to them, by crossing our arms or by doing what my student was doing, they're are less likely to come up and ask us to dance, because they want to be assured they're probably gonna be told "yes".
So if you're watching the action, you're close to the floor, maybe you're bobbing your head and grooving a little bit on the music, you are saying "hey, I want to dance! Give me a reason." And they're a lot more likely to come up and say "let's make this happen."
And finally. check and see if they have regular social dances, and come back regularly. Because these places tend to draw the same people over and over again. So even if you didn't get as many dances the first one or two or three times, as people get more used to seeing you there, other people will talk.
They talk to each other and they try and get a sense of you know who is safe to dance with, who's a fun dance, who is a less fun dance. So if you are making a consistently good impression, if you keep putting your best face forward, even if you're not the best dancer on the floor, you're going to gradually become noticed by more and more experienced dancers.
You start to make some friends and friends of friends, building those connections. And that is how you will gradually progress from a complete newcomer when it comes to social dancing, to somebody who's experienced and learned in the ways of the social dancing jungle.
Now, there is a transition point where we have to make sure that we maintain those social connections and don't let them die, and we're going to talk more about how we can network and build on those connections next week.
But if you enjoyed what you heard today or maybe you have any thoughts about how you built your own social dancing popularity when you started dancing, please let me know. My Facebook fan page Ballroom Dancers Anonymous and I will let everybody know what your own tips were.
Or you can always email me at ian@socialballroom.dance, again that's ian@socialballroom.dance. I will see you next week, have a fantastic time, and until then, happy dancing.