"The only limitations are those you place upon yourself". That's the quote Joy of Dance student Agnieszka Kopka lives by, and a big part of how she overcame her initial shyness of dancing with others at socials.
In today's interview, Agnieszka shares her thoughts on social ballroom dancing vs other genres, how scary her first social was, and how her experiences gradually built up her confidence so now she doesn't just wait for opportunities to dance... She makes her own.
Transcript:
Ian: Hi guys! My name is Ian Crewe. I'm an instructor at the Joy of Dance Centre in Toronto, Ontario, and the creator of Social Ballroom Dance: Where you can learn your dance, on your place, on your schedule.
I'm joined here today by Agnieszka Kopa - did I say that right?
Agnieszka: You did not, haha! It's "Kopka".
Ian: Haha! I did it perfectly on the outtakes. Anyway, I have a fellow student here at the joy of Dance Centre, so very glad to have you with us. So why don't we start, if you could just let us know how long have you been dancing in the studio?
Agnieszka: Oh, well I started dancing about fifteen, sixteen years ago and I started dancing at Arthur Murray dance studios in downtown Toronto.
Ian: Right, right.
Agnieszka: And I stopped for a while and then I came back to Joy of Dance when it opened about... ten years ago?
Ian: That's about right. And how far into this journey were you before you had the confidence to step through the door of dance socials?
Agnieszka: Well you know, I attended the dance socials right away.
Ian: Oh, right from the beginning?
Agnieszka: Yeah but only with instructors right because I didn't know any better, and the instructor that I worked with was able to lead me through the steps that I knew how to do. And then I started attending dance socials more often, and tried to do as many dance outings as possible, and made some friends, and my confidence grew as my repertoire of steps grew as well.
When I started competing was when my confidence really increased to be a follower.
Ian: Nice, nice. Do you still remember what your first social was like?
Agnieszka: Oh boy, that was a long time ago. My first social was actually at Arthur Murray, and I danced with with my instructor then and I learned how to dance salsa - that was the very first rumba and salsa that I learned, and I learned maybe five patterns and he invited me to come to this social. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, and it turned out we ended up performing our steps, haha!
Ian: Oh my goodness! On your first social, you performed??
Agnieszka: Yes, and I nearly died, haha! I didn't know what I was getting myself into. He said "oh, we're just going to dance". I'm like "okay", and we got up to dance, and ended up performing.
Ian: Wow, so you handled that incredibly well.
Agnieszka: Well you know, haha!
Ian: And I guess it was like a ballroom social?
Agnieszka: It was, it was a ballroom social. And because I didn't know what I was getting myself into, I just went up and danced, and it wasn't until right after the fact that I realized that "oh my goodness! That was actually performing in front of people!"
Ian: Haha! "Wait, all these other people are sitting down watching me! I thought they were gonna come up!" So you were just dancing with the one instructor the whole time?
Agnieszka: Yeah.
Ian: Did that mean that you were sitting down for a lot of it as well?
Agnieszka: Yes, watching the other dancers, and wishing that I could move that way right and feeling that I never would.
Ian: So how did you get from there to actually starting to, you know - like you sometimes even ask for other leaders to dance, which I personally think is awesome. I would love it if more followers did that. But how did you get there?
Agnieszka: I got there only after I started dancing West Coast Swing, because it's a little bit different to me. To me, ballroom dance always was very traditional, very set in its ways and so on. Like it was necessary for you to just sit and wait for somebody to come and ask you to dance.
And then when I started West Coast Swing I noticed that another way was coming up and asking leaders to dance with them. And I realized that it was okay, and as my confidence grew once again, I was able to get on the dance floor and ask others to dance with me, and also after going to classes and making friends and meeting people you sort of knew, that you were all there to practice your skills.
And I realized that it's not always about being perfect.
Ian: Right.
Agnieszka: It's just enjoying yourself and realizing that everybody is there to practice and to have fun and just to let it go. If you make a mistake, no one is going to remember it.
Ian: That's inspiring. I always believed that mistakes are like the steps that you take on that journey right? The mistakes are part of the lesson, towards improving yourself. So yeah, if you try and just avoid mistakes, then you can't grow.
So it sounds like when you saw other people doing it, it inspired you and gave you permission to start asking others. Were you asking people at ballroom socials as well, or was this more specifically West Coast Swing?
Agnieszka: It was specifically West Coast, but with ballroom socials I also learned how to lead.
Ian: Ah.
Agnieszka: Which I learned as part of the teacher training here. It was just for me to improve my skills.
Ian: Did you find it helped you with your following?
Agnieszka: Absolutely, absolutely. it was probably one of the best things that I did.
Ian: Pay attention to this followers!
Agnieszka: And now as a follower, I can also lead, and we know in social ballroom situations, there are always more followers than leaders.
Ian: That more than doubles your potential partners, right there.
Agnieszka: That's right. So learning to lead meant you're not sitting, you are actually moving, and having fun, and meeting people.
Ian: I know you're saying ballroom dancing is sometimes viewed as rather traditional - the man does the asking, the lady accepts or doesn't accept, and I know that some people can actually complain if they see followers asking people to dance. Did you ever have that experience yourself?
Agnieszka: No I never had that experience, but what I did experience was -after I started asking people to dance with me, and when I felt more more confident on the dance floor, I realized that there are a lot of people who are new to dance, who were just attending their first social and they may feel a little bit shy. So I made an effort to go in to ask these people to dance.
Ian: Aw...
Agnieszka: I did because I know what it felt like, and yes some leaders would decline because they didn't feel confident enough, which was fine you know - I don't take offence to it. And I would often go and ask other followers to dance, and I found they were often surprised that I would.
Ian: I love that.
Agnieszka: But I think the more you dance and the more people you meet, and the more comfortable you become, the more okay it is.
Ian: Did you ever as a as a leader ask another follower to dance, and did they they tell you no?
Agnieszka: I've never had a follower to say no, haha! And you know I think that is also very important within studios like Joy of Dance that they don't refer to additional roles, men and ladies.
Ian: Right, we try and stay very inclusive.
Agnieszka: Very much so, that's very important. It helps break barriers.
Ian: Agreed. I hope things keep moving in that direction. Were there any other any other things that you did - so, you're talking about how you got into competitions, and that helped you to raise your confidence. Were there any other confidence-boosting events throughout your dancing journey that that helped you with regards to socials?
Agnieszka: The competitions, and also choreographed performances. Because you realize that you're dancing for yourself. The audience is there to be entertained, but ultimately they don't know whether you're following your routine or not, haha!
Ian: Absolutely, yes!
Agnieszka: As long as you keep your frame, smile, and follow your partner.
Ian: Haha! If you mess up a little, people will just look and say "oh, what an interesting variation."
Agnieszka: That's right, and if you work with your partner as a team, I find this also helps.
Ian: Awesome, awesome. Okay, well I just have one more question: Are there any final words that you have for other dancers who are maybe a bit shy and uncertain about whether or not that they should go to a social, if they're afraid about being laughed at?
Agnieszka: Something someone once told me: "The only limitations that you have, are the ones that you place upon yourself." So that sort of became my motto - don't be shy. Even if you know a few steps, you know there are people in class with you who know this number of steps. There are other people who know more, but if you are out there to practice, to have fun, really in the end it's all about the joy of dance.
Ian: So don't compare yourself to other people, just focus on your own journey, because that's where all the joy is. Awesome, awesome. Well thank you so much for joining us today Agnieszka, it was a real pleasure.
Agnieszka: Thank you.
Ian: And thank you very much viewers for watching. I hope this gave you some interesting food for thought. If you have any comments or questions, you can always message me on my Facebook fan page: Ballroom Dancers Anonymous, or you can email me at ian@socialballroom.dance, again that's ian@socialballroom.dance. I will see you next week, and until then, happy dancing!