So you want to dance, but you don’t have a dance partner? Fear not, fellow ballroom-lover, there’s hope to fulfill your dreams yet. I knew that I wanted to ballroom dance after watching Johnny, the ultimate dance partner, and Baby in Dirty Dancing. I was ten. 15 years later I still hadn’t taken a lesson, but my desire to ballroom dance was just as strong. The thing is that ten-year-old boys, (and boys in my teens and early twenties) didn’t really seem that interested in ballroom dancing. I felt I ‘couldn’t dance’ without a partner. It wasn’t until my (life) partner gifted me with lessons twelve years ago that I was finally able to be Baby Houseman to my own Johnny Castle.
In that first beginner group class, I looked around and realized there had been no need to wait. Ballroom dance schools typically don’t require, or even prefer a dance partner to start classes. Instructors can accommodate single students like rotating partners frequently or having dance assistants available. A year later, my partner decided to hang up his dancing shoes, but I was hooked so I continued taking lessons. That’s when my education in ballroom dance really started.
I realized how much I had depended on my partner. I was completely comfortable with him and during those early lessons, spending time together was the main focus, not the dancing. In fact, the reason he stopped taking lessons was because we’d joined a class where everyone was expected to rotate dance partners, and if we couldn’t dance together then dancing no longer held any appeal to him (Awww!).
I showed up to the next class on my own. At first, I was so self conscious and worried that as a beginner, no one would want to dance with me. However, in over a decade now of participating in ballroom classes at all levels, I’ve found an abundance of patience, support and respect. Perhaps that’s because others were just as nervous as I was and hoping someone would still want to dance with them too and not suggest that they take up knitting instead.
I didn’t go out looking for another dance partner, although sometimes I worried that not having one would prevent me from excelling. I realized that teachers rotate partners, not to torture their students (as I was initially convinced), but to make them better dancers. Having a committed dance partner is to many the ideal and it certainly offers a multitude of benefits. A drawback however, is that it’s easy for both partners to sacrifice skill and technique to ‘help’ each other dance better, often without realizing it. Dancing with multiple partners encourages us to connect more effectively; it motivates us to become skilled leaders and more receptive followers because with different partners, we just don’t know what to expect. We prepare for anything and adapt to anyone!
If your goals are to be a serious competitor or performer, finding a permanent partner will likely be required, but as someone who is not in a monogamous dance partnership, and prefers dancing socially, the most important partner on the dance floor is the person I’m dancing with in the moment. When that two-and-a-half minute song is done though, I may find someone else to dance with, or go home to my life partner (who is still happily not dancing, by the way) and any potential for tension caused by being in two committed (though very different) relationships is avoided.
It’s okay not to have a dance partner. In fact it’s great, so don’t let it hold you back! Your experience will be just as fulfilling, your skills just as impressive and your connections just as meaningful. All you have to do is get on the dance floor. Well, asking someone to dance might be helpful too. 😉
Lisa Fender is College Dean at the Joy of Dance & Teacher's College in Toronto, ON. She passed her own teacher training 2 years ago, and continues to dance - with whoever is around.