Last time, we explored how a follower can better connect and move with her partner. Now leaders, it’s your turn. We’ll start by debunking some of the assumptions and myths that mislead your leading (pun intended). Once these are clear, you will be free to start training with good habits instead of struggling to unlearn bad ones.
Myth #1: ‘If I dance small and slow, I wont make a fool of myself.’
Welcome to man’s greatest fear on the dance floor - disappointing his partner. Believe me, I’ve been there, and I know it’s not fun. Want to feel confident and in control instead? Then learn to go big or go home! A friend of mine once said ‘if you’re wrong, be really insistent about it’. Pretend the confidence you don’t have (yet), and make the mistake big enough for your instructor to see.
Myth #2: ‘If I look down, I won’t step on her feet.’
Since we don’t normally move this close to someone else, it’s only natural that we want to watch our feet and make sure we don’t tread on our partner (or he/she doesn’t tread on us). As a result, we end up looking like we are more interested in finding change on the floor then dancing with our partner.
Lead as though you were pushing a shopping cart, or opening a door - that is, starting the movement from the chest, rather than the feet. With a good connection, the follower will feel the lead and respond by moving her feet before you get there, so you won’t have to look. Besides, keeping your head up makes you look confident and balanced.
Myth #3: ‘If I lead more strongly, I will hurt my partner.’
I’m not talking about shoving her with your arms here (which may indeed hurt her), but leading from your frame, i.e. your chest and arms. Remember, you are in charge, and she needs your guidance. You are doing her no favours by giving her a ‘soft’ frame, any more than you do yourself favours by relaxing your hold while pushing a shopping cart so it crashes into your chest.
Pretend that your arms are in a cast right up to the shoulders, and make sure that they stay there when you move, so your connected partner can move with you.
Myth #4: ‘If I mess up my steps, my partner will move me back into place.’
A dangerous assumption. Even if she says so, rest assured your partner does NOT want to take care of you on the dance floor - the responsibility is yours to make sure you move as best as you can, without relying on your partner to save you. In the worst case scenarios, I’ve seen the lady back-leading constantly to make up for her laissez-faire partner, while trying frantically to move her feet out of his way. If you really want your partner to enjoy herself and feel more connected with you, put in some practice time and don’t let her dictate where she thinks you need to be.
All this said, remember that no one learns to dance overnight. Ask your practice partner for patience - you are learning to take of not only yourself on the dance floor, but her as well. In return, you will learn how to score more and better dances, while forging a more satisfying connection with your partner. In the last article in this series, we look more closely at the different techniques to move your partner comfortably and confidently across the floor.