Using the Languages of Love in Ballroom Dancing

As we talked about last week, how we communicate with our partner during a dance lesson can have a major impact on how strongly you feel towards each other. We do this using the 5 languages of love, which are:

  1. Quality time
  2. Words of affirmation
  3. Acts of service
  4. Physical touch
  5. Receiving gifts

Today we’ll flesh out each of these love languages with some specific ballroom dance examples.

Quality Time: Express your hidden side

One of the reasons so many people - especially men - are shy about trying ballroom dance is it requires them to stumble through a new skill in front of someone they care about. Since we always want to present our best side to our partner, trying something we don’t know well is just a recipe for disaster, right?

Actually, a great way for couples to grow closer is by learning to express their more ‘fallible’ or ‘human’ side. Because as much as we try and hide it, it’s a relief to just ‘be yourself’, and gives our partner permission to do the same. Use this language of love more if your partner wants to know and feel safe with you.

Words of Affirmation: There’s always something…

It’s important to pay attention and compliment your partner on the one thing they’re doing well - even if they did ten other things wrong! Compliments help shift their perspective from ruminating over what isn’t working, to noticing the progress they’ve made. A few things you can look for are a strong lead/follow, good posture, looking above the collarbone, moving you through the chest instead of kicking your feet, and staying on time with the music. Use this language of love more if your partner likes hearing you verbally tell them how well they’ve done.

Acts of Service: Put each other first

Leaders and followers create a harmonious relationship by honouring each others limits and capabilities. A few examples of this:

  1. Leading earlier or later, depending on how quickly your partner responds.
  2. Dancing to your leader’s timing, even if it doesn’t feel like it’s on time with the music.
  3. Keeping your movements smooth and comfortable for your partner.
  4. If necessary, applying gentle pressure or slowing down to avoid a collision.

This tells your partner you trust and protect them, making them feel safe and cared for. Use this language more if your partner values actions over words.

Physical Touch: Get together and feel alright

All ballroom dancing involves touch of course, but some ask for more than others! If your partner is nervous about dancing intimately with you, consider starting with a dance that keeps you more apart, like a rumba, cha cha, waltz, or foxtrot (bronze level). For those who like getting closer however, salsa, bachata, and kizomba are all good choices.

Receiving Gifts: What’s your fancy?

There’s plenty of dance accessories, events, and opportunities you can pick out for your beau. Here’s a few examples:

  1. New and stylish shoes
  2. Gift certificates for a dance costume store
  3. A workshop with the two of you learning from a visiting pro
  4. Entry to a dance hall (often includes a dance lesson to start)
  5. Ballroom themed shirts, hats, notebooks, etc. (check Etsy)

Use this language of love more if your partner likes thoughtful and physical representations of your affection.

languages of loveNot sure which love language your partner prefers? Get them to take the quiz here!

 

Sources:
Dancing Can Nurture Relationships
How Ballroom Dancing Can Improve Your Relationship
Making Magic: The Elusive Art of Connection

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