Motivation and Inspiration, Part Four: Positive Dance Habits

Raise your hand if you've ever set a resolution you didn't keep. What, you didn't? YOU'RE A LIAR.

Okay, what stopped you? Usually we get all fired up at the start of a new project, but over time, that positive energy, what I'm calling the 'honeymoon effect', wears off. And that's when we quit, because suddenly it stopped being fun, and became work instead.

That's why most people don't become the dancers they want to be. Of sure, they have plenty of reasons why it was a good idea to stop now, but ultimately, they rode the emotional high, and when it crashed, they crashed.

Of course, there are many who manage to keep that spark burning. These people pick a dance goal, and consistently work towards it until it's theirs. They may not like stepping outside of their comfort zone, but they've developed a determination to not give in to the excuses and self-sabotage.

This is what I'd like to talk to you about today: How to get out of your own way, so you can persistently apply yourself to ballroom dancing until you're the dancer you've always wanted to be. Continue reading "Motivation and Inspiration, Part Four: Positive Dance Habits"

Motivation and Inspiration, Part Three: Self-Sabotage

"You are not what you think you are, but what you think, you are." - Anonymous

We carry around a belief system that informs us on the world; what it's like, and what we can expect from it. It also informs us on what we can expect from ourselves. And very often, when we try to defy those expectations, it draws us unconsciously back to our comfort zone.

Today I partnered up with life coach Ellen Smith, while we tackled the problem of self-sabotage - what it is, what causes it, and how we can gradually remove it from our life. We had some great insights, which we'll share below.

(By the way, very sorry for the poor audio quality in this video. We were rained out of our expected interview place and had to do it in Ellen's lobby. I've included the transcript below in case you missed anything.) Continue reading "Motivation and Inspiration, Part Three: Self-Sabotage"

Motivation and Inspiration, Part Two: Loving the Process

You, and everyone around you, have be trained since children to be unhappy. You've been taught it by your well-meaning parents, encouraged by your peers, had it presented in structured format by your schools.

They didn't mean to. They were simply trying to instil a desire to reach for bigger and better things. They taught us: This what success looks like, what wealth and abundance look like. This is what pleasure and happiness look like.

The problem is, they tied all those awesome feelings to some future ideal... And left none of it for the present. And now we live in a society caught in a rat-race, determined to be rich and successful, with a Mr./Ms. Right on one arm and the keys to a mansion in the other. Because everything before that point feels like failure.

What does this have to do with ballroom dancing? Let me explain: Continue reading "Motivation and Inspiration, Part Two: Loving the Process"

Motivation and Inspiration, Part One: The Right Mindset

Have you ever noticed how some people always seem to get things done? Achieving success is simple and straightforward for them, and mastering ballroom dancing is no exception - once they decide where they want to go, they stop at nothing to get there.

Then there are others who go in with good intentions, but never seem to reach the dance goals they set for themselves. They hit a patch where the learning becomes frustrating, their motivation goes down, and before long, they decide ballroom dance just isn't for them.

This isn't about blame or fault - In my experience, a certain mindset is needed to become the dancer you've always wanted to be. Let me explain: Continue reading "Motivation and Inspiration, Part One: The Right Mindset"

Why Ballroom is an Expressive Dance

Ballet. Hip hop. Jazz. Contemporary. By comparison, ballroom dance is often found wanting, described as ‘stiff, flat, and lacking real self-expression.’ But an expressive dance is defined by more than range of motion alone.

True, you are compromising for your partner, sacrificing some movement so you can move better together. But there’s plenty of character that can still be conveyed, not only through each of you separately, but in the story you tell together. Continue reading "Why Ballroom is an Expressive Dance"

Raise Awareness, Raise your Dancing

We’ve been talking about how to avoid getting distracted by thinking during dancing, in order to make it more natural and fun for ourselves and our partner. When we raise awareness of what’s happening in our body, we remove focus from the part of our mind that’s constantly judging others, regretting mistakes, and planning for the future. This is not to say that planning the next step is bad, only that it will be replaced over time by the body’s intuitions - that is to say, it’s trained sense of what can naturally flow from the previous movement.

Trying to raise awareness can be a scary experience however. Many of us carry destructive thought patterns or ‘beliefs’ which we learned in childhood: ‘I am not enough.’ ‘I can never be a good dancer.’ ‘I have two left feet.’ ‘I am ugly.’ These voices often get louder when we raise awareness in our body, so we may have to weaken them before we can dance with greater confidence. In order to get there however, we must first understand the difference between who we are and what we identify with.

When we identify with something, it means we’ve tied some part of ourselves to it - things like the friends we keep, the car we own, and yes, the thoughts we hold. You can tell you’ve identified with something if the thought of losing it fills you with fear.

When we have the things we identify with around us, they make us feel safe. Even if some of those things are destructive to you, like fear-based beliefs. Losing something we’ve identified with can feel like we’re losing a part of ourselves. But here’s the paradox: Are you really defined by the money in your pocket, the house you own, and the beliefs you hold? These may all be great descriptors of you, but are they really you?

Here’s another way to think of it, and raise awareness at the same time: try watching your thoughts. Follow them, stalk them like a hunter in the jungle. Avoid forming opinions about them, but just allow them to be. Now, if you are your thoughts, then who is observing those thoughts? In truth, you are not your thoughts at all. Perhaps the best description is that you are a silent observer, a consciousness that watches with no thoughts at all.

This might seem like a roundabout way of explaining, but it’s necessary to arrive at a central truth: If you are not any of the things that you have, or think, then you have nothing to lose. This is the beginning of freedom, where we can start to dance, and live, with greater authenticity.

So at last, how can we raise awareness to stop the flow of negative, fear-driven thinking? Start by observing your thoughts, as you did earlier. You can do this while meditating, or working out, or doing any activity that slows your thinking at least temporarily. If impatience or frustration arise, just observe them like everything else - this is not a race to ‘get it’ as fast as you can.

As you raise awareness, you’ll find the stream of thinking slows, and even stops at times. You’ve created a ‘gap’ between observing and thinking, between who you really are and the filtering, judging, rationalizing mind. This gap gives you a chance to make a different choice when destructive thoughts arise - for instance, instead of reacting with shame, guilt, or anger, you might replace the thought with a more positive one, or even laugh at it for being so ridiculous. In this way, your mind, like your body, can be retrained to act in a way that comes from love rather than fear.

‘This is all well and good’, I hear you say, ‘but I still don’t see how raising awareness can improve my dancing.’ Next week, we’ll come full circle and explain how we can infuse this greater awareness into our dancing, so we can move fearlessly and authentically.

Body Awareness in Ballroom Dance

‘Kids: They dance before they learn anything that isn’t music.’
- William Stafford

Thinking in dancing is a double-edged sword. On one hand, it helps us plan the next step, and interpret what we learn in a lesson. But too much thinking can stifle our body’s natural movement. You can tell if someone is dancing more in their mind then their body; their movements are stiff and robotic, and they seem unaware of their partner, or the music. Virtually all of us suffer from over-thinking sometimes, but we can counter it with the body awareness. Continue reading "Body Awareness in Ballroom Dance"